When Practicing Gratitude Backfires

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Gratitude lists are all the rage. And for good reason.

Our minds have a negativity bias. The primal brain's sole job is to keep us physically alive, and it does this by being on watch constantly for anything it could perceive as a potential threat to our safety (even if it's not actually a real threat - which is most things in our modern life!)

Because our brains are inclined to hone-in on the negative, it detects "flaws" all time - like with our bodies. Even if those flaws are literally made up (cellulite anyone?)

So taking some time to focus on the good things about our bodies helps us to balance the scales so to speak. And the result is we feel happier.

But like all things, we can end up using what is generally positive, in a way that ends up hurting us.

For example: moving your body is generally positive, except when it becomes something you "have" to do every day. Or for a certain amount of time, or in a particular way in order to "count". Then we can end up exhausting or injuring our bodies, and adding stress to our lives.

Gratitude lists and journaling can be used in the same way. When it becomes something you "have" to do and you feel like a failure if you didn't do it. Or when you start feeling shame because you realize how much you take for granted.

I share this from experience! It's why I stopped writing gratitude lists.

Thankfully, I ended up coming to understand something about the mind and our true human nature that rendered gratitude lists obsolete:

Our true human nature is naturally grateful.

We are grateful throughout the day more often than we realize, it's just that the thinking of the mind tends to obscure it from our awareness.

Here are some ways we regularly show gratitude for our bodies:

  • feed it when it's hungry

  • rest it when it's tired

  • adjust our clothing to accommodate its temperature

  • wash it regularly

  • move it when it's been still for a while

  • give it water when it's thirsty

  • give it aid when it's hurt

We miss all the ways we show gratitude for our bodies because our mind is focused on what is "wrong". And what is "wrong" is most often made up.

The ideas of how our body "should" look are made up.
The idea of how much our body "should" weigh is made up.
The ideas of how our happiness, relationships, or future is going to look because of our body - is made up.

When we begin to see that our mind is talking up a storm, pointing out fake 'threats" and beliefs about our body and ourselves that aren't true, we can sit back into our human nature and realize we are OK.

And gratefulness naturally arises.

Now if you like writing gratitude lists and they work for you then of course keep writing them!

I just find it helpful to know it's not something you "have" to do in order to access gratitude.

It's arises on its own when we see that we're not our thinking, and we don't have to believe our thoughts.

Photo by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash