Do You Really Hate Your Body, or is Something Else Going On?
There’s an interesting pattern I notice: when I’m feeling good, happy, energized etc. I don’t really think that much about my body. However when I’m tired, stressed, fearful or anxious, I am more likely to fixate on or criticize my body.
This is an important realization to have - because when we see our body as the problem, as the source of our unhappiness and the thing that needs to be “fixed” in order for us to feel OK, we become stuck. We feel trapped by our body and may find ourselves caught in a thought-spiral of self-pity or self-hatred. In those moments, our body 100% appears to be the source of our unhappiness.
But if that was the case, if our body truly was the source of our unhappiness, we wouldn’t ever experience a change in our emotional state because our body is always with us! We can’t escape it. Yet our emotional state does change, often throughout a single day and over the course of days and weeks. We experience a range of emotions, and subsequently we tend to experience a change in how we view our body - despite our body having changed very little (if at all).
So if our body isn’t the problem, then what is? Well, I suggest becoming aware of our emotional state and thinking.
As I said in the beginning, I’ve come to notice that I’m more likely to see my body as an “issue” when I’m feeling down. My mind, doing its very best to try and make me feel better (or at least feel safe), likes to jump to something that it can tangibly blame or “fix”, and for me those thoughts often default to my body.
The way many of us try and change our body is through diet and exercise because it’s something we can do - it’s a way we can take the reins and feel in control, but it doesn’t really address the root cause of the problem. Planning or taking steps to change our body is more so a distraction, because our body is likely not the root cause of our unhappiness in those moments. A more fruitful approach would be to look more deeply and ask ourselves the question: “what else is going on for me right now?”
Perhaps we are stressed about our finances, or we had a fight with someone, or a loved one is sick, or we are just plain tired. Getting closer to what is actually affecting us can help us see where we are distracting ourselves from the tougher emotions and situations we may be dealing with. When we become aware of what is going on for us and can process what is happening, we are more likely to move through these emotional states by addressing the core issue, rather than misdirecting our focus by planning the next diet.
Now, you may be thinking - “yeah but there are times when my body really is the problem! Like when I’m in physical pain, or I feel terrible because I ate too much.” I get that. Sometimes we really do experience physical discomfort. In those cases, of course we do what we can to try and ease the discomfort - maybe that’s resting or drinking some water. But what we choose to do is very much dictated by how we are viewing are bodies, and that can determine how effective our actions will be.
How we decide to “help” our body when we feel discomfort is very different if we are coming from a place of love and acceptance vs. if we are seeing our body as the enemy. If we are trying to change our body while we are telling ourselves we’re a failure or disgusting, the action we take is not going to be very effective or helpful in the long-run. We are much more likely to take action that will help us feel better when we treat our body and ourselves kindly. When we come from a place of kindness, our emotional state in general is better, and we end up being less critical of our bodies overall.
The reality is we have been brought up in a culture that has taught us to be judgemental and critical of our bodies, so it’s no wonder we can default to this way of thinking. It can sometimes seem impossible to treat our bodies kindly if we’ve been hating them for so long, but hating our body is way of thinking, and our thinking can be changed. Becoming aware of what else is going on for us when we catch ourselves attacking our body can be an important step in redirecting our energy to what actually is calling for our attention, and break the habit of blaming our body.
If you would like help in shifting from body hatred towards body acceptance, my 8-week one-in-one coaching program can help. Click here to learn more.