Do I Grieve My Old Body, or Let the Thoughts Pass?

A couple weeks ago I wrote about having seen the full length of my body on video, the reaction I had, and how I handled it. 

A reader replied with the below response: 

“This made me think about when I see my body in the mirror - specifically my thighs. When thoughts come up of ‘god they are so dimply and veiny- yuck’ I don’t know whether to sink into the feelings of grief of grieving my old body, or watch the thoughts go by like the television in the background you mentioned.”

For context - the “television” is reference to a meditation from my meditation group (which btw you can join here). 

So what do you do? Grieve your old body? Or watch the critical body thoughts go by?

The short answer? Both. 

Here’s my longer answer…

Understanding that you are not your thoughts, and that thoughts are not reality is a game changer. When you really understand this and then practice watching your thoughts, they don’t impact you nearly as much as when you’re caught up in them.

As I share in my Understanding Your Thinking and Understanding Your Feelings webinars, thoughts and feelings are two sides of the same coin. You can’t have one without the other.

So when you look in the mirror and have a thought like “my thighs are so dimply and veiny - yuck”, you’re going to experience the corresponding feelings with that thought. 

What can happen when we start to see thought as thought is the mind will say “oh good, now I don’t have to feel these crappy feelings anymore!” 

But here’s the thing about feelings: if we don’t allow ourselves to fully feel them - they stay. 

Feelings are energy, and energy’s nature is to move. When we try to avoid, dismiss, or suppress feelings - they stick around within our energy body until we allow them to move.

So even though you may now recognize thought as thought, it doesn’t mean you get to bypass feeling the feelings (Darn it!)

The best approach in my opinion and experience - is to notice that it’s thought and allow yourself to relax and open to feeling the feelings that are coming up along with it. 

When you know it’s thought, you take it less seriously, and therefore the feelings appear less serious too. It’s just that our mind can sometimes say “but feelings mean there’s a problem!” 

But all feelings are really showing is that a thought is present. 

When it comes to feeling feelings, I wouldn’t personally describe it as “sinking” into them, as that can insinuate a kind of “getting lost” in the feelings. Rather - it’s more of an opening and allowing feelings to move and pass.

Think of it like letting the feelings wash over you like water. You are firmly standing on the ground, and the water washes over you.

The benefit of feeling any feelings that arise is that the thoughts go along with them. Two for one!

Seeing thought as thought (and therefore not true) may mean that you don’t experience much emotion at all - after all, it’s hard to be attached to something when you know it’s not true. 

But if you do experience feelings arise when you have a thought - feel them.

Just like the weather, thoughts and feelings pass. And you’re designed to be able to handle them. 

Changing your relationship with your thoughts and feelings is the gateway to feeling better in your body. One-on-one coaching is an excellent way to help you do that. You can learn more about working together here.

Photo by Tom Barrett on Unsplash